


Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life

by Mad_Hatt3r



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:47:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21631639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Hatt3r/pseuds/Mad_Hatt3r
Summary: Set after their reunion
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 10
Kudos: 111





	Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life

She falls back heavily, her head meeting the pillow with a soft thump, as she gasps for breath. Her body trembles, her lungs and muscles burning and she’s drenched in sweat. She’s been relentless and she knows it, knows it in the way the smaller blonde is draped bonelessly across her body as she too fights to steady her breathing. 

It’s been almost a challenge, to show Vanessa exactly what she has been missing. To make a lasting imprint so she will never want to be without this again, without her again. Watching Vanessa fall apart over and over at her hands, the power of it almost addictive. She wants her, she’s missed her, she loves her. Each sentence spoken through touch and touch alone. It’s early hours, they’ve been in bed since just after 11 but she’s too wound up to sleep. Vanessa turns pressing a kiss to her neck as she rests a hand over her heart. Charity tries to relax in the feeling of safety that she’s there, Vanessa’s right there, in the place that she hasn’t been in days but somethings still not quite right. 

Its weird, she tries to grasp onto how she’s feeling right at this moment and it’s impossible. She should feel relieved, elated and she had before but it had been short lived. Although she’s here sated and spent, after fucking her fiancée to the point she’s fairly certain she’s pulled a muscle in her bicep, still she can’t settle. Her stomach is tense and her limbs are tingling as though she has pins and needles but it’s not with tiredness. No it’s almost as though she feels like she could be sick and it dawns on her then what it is that’s pressing at her insides.

Fear. 

It’s still there rolling under her skin, coming in small bursts so that each time her tense muscles go to relax it hits them again. The unsettling sensation not allowing her to truly enjoy the outcome of today when it’s all she’s been thinking about ever since Vanessa had uttered those fateful words in The Woolpack. 

_It’s over, we’re done_

The panic surges and she feels herself go rigid in protest. She doesn’t ever want to hear those words again but she can’t trust herself, can’t trust that the chaos and destruction that seems to exist within her won’t lash out and hurt the one she loves again. She knows now that she can’t lie again and that in itself feels like a promise so large that it looms above her. Her whole life she has lied and cheated to survive, how is she meant to carry on in this world without using the tool that has helped her since she was a scrap of a thing living alone on the streets of Leeds. 

Her heart begins to hammer against her chest and her palms turn clammy. Vanessa’s reassuring hold becomes suffocating and she fights hard against the urge to run. She’s going to mess this up. She’s going to mess this up and next time it’ll be worse. It’ll be so much _worse._

“Charity” 

“Charity” 

“ _Charity_ ”

Snapping out of her thoughts she shakes her head forcing herself to meet concerned blue eyes as she finally acknowledges the soft hand cupping her chin.

“Where did you go?” 

Shame burns hot and she averts her eyes, she’s done it again. Retreating into the murky grey that inhabits her mind and never fully goes away. She has no business becoming distracted not when her wonderful fiancée has actually seen fit to return to her side. 

“Hey your heart’s racing” 

The gentle concern makes her heart bleed. She doesn’t deserve this, has never deserved this. 

“Charity” She snaps back again flinching when Vanessa continues, her eyes full of worry “Talk to me”

It’s hard, talking. 

She has never been good at expressing herself in anything other than anger. It’s easy to shout and scream, it’s harder to be honest and vulnerable when it’s never really been an option for her before. There was too much to lose, not enough to gain. Even though it’s not a new occurrence, her opening up to Vanessa, she still finds it as difficult now as the first time. She wonders if that will ever change. 

Swallowing hard she tries to find the words that she wants to say hoping that they come out in a way that makes sense to the woman, who for some reason, decided to return.

“I’m sorry” 

She winces that wasn’t what she wanted to say, not at all, not really. She is, sorry that is, but she’s already apologised over and over; as they had fallen into bed and again as she had brought Vanessa over the edge. The apology falling from her lips like a prayer as she breathed it into the air around them. 

“I know” 

It’s not forgiveness but she doesn’t need that, the fact that Vanessa is back in their bed where she belongs is forgiveness enough. She just doesn’t know how to articulate to this wonderful woman at the side of her that she’s scared, scared for herself and scared for her. 

“I hurt you” 

Vanessa nods although she doesn’t say anything and Charity doesn’t know whether to be worried or relieved. 

“I keep hurting you” 

What she wants to say is “I’m always going to end up hurting you” because that’s who she is but she’s frightened it might just be the words Vanessa needs to hear that will send her straight through the door and out of her life for good. 

“Well then don’t hurt me anymore” 

And it’s so simple isn’t it? To ask that of the woman who loves you but for her it’s almost like a taunt because how can she not when no matter how hard she tries she hurts everybody in the end whether or not she means to. She doesn’t reply instead she presses her lips to Vanessa sweeping her tongue across her bottom lip begging for entry. It’s granted immediately and they begin the familiar dance to the tune that Charity knows better that anything else. Words are difficult, physicality comes easier. 

“I love you” 

Her whole being softens when she hears those words being uttered, especially with the tenderness in which Vanessa say them. She’s heard the words before off many others but they’ve never been said quite like this, with so much simplicity to the statement. It had always been possessive before, as though she had been something to be kept, the price of being loved is to be owned. 

Her forehead comes to rest against Vanessa’s and she has to fight the tears that are threatening to appear. She’s selfish, wants to keep Vanessa all to herself even when she knows she doesn’t deserve her, or the life this wonderful woman is helping her build together. Vanessa deserves so much more than an old prostitute who can’t quite quit the urge to cheat her way at life. It claws at her insides the knowledge that she’s keeping Vanessa in chaos when she deserves nothing but the world. 

“I love you so much” 

There’s a soft sweep of Vanessa’s thumb against her cheek and she realises she’s failed when she registers the wetness on her skin. The tears have fallen, they too wanting to escape their bitter confines. 

“Why?” 

She isn’t certain whether she says it aloud or in her own head as her eyes clench shut at the weakness that is rearing it’s head. Most days she beats it into the corner but since Vanessa it’s harder to contain. 

“Because I just love you Charity Dingle that means I love everything that makes you exactly who you are” 

She can feel herself becoming agitated, that can’t be true, it’s lies because if it was true it means the truly jagged parts of her soul that tear at the flesh of her own insides are loved as well and that can’t be possible. 

“No you don’t” 

She pulls away then, sitting upright out of Vanessa’s arms not caring that the room is cool and she hasn’t got a stitch on to keep her warm. She clenches her fists trying to force away her own self loathing which is pulling at her chest making her breathing heavy. 

“I love _you_ Charity”

“You love me when I’m lying and manipulating do you? Or when I’m scamming and cheating my way through the rest of the muppets around here?” 

“I hate it when you do but yes even then” 

She turns her head baring her teeth when she sees no malice in Vanessa’s expression only honesty. It angers her even though she knows it’s shouldn’t. It’s misplaced rage and although she tries she cannot control it. 

“Your actions don’t make me just stop loving you Charity” 

A warm hand settles gently on her back and she allows it, doesn’t shrug off the contact like she would have done before. 

“Being away from you these last few days has been awful” 

Vanessa gulps audibly and Charity fights against the urge to comfort her. She thinks she understands why Vanessa did what she did but it doesn’t mean she has to like it. Even when she can’t blame her for doing so. 

“There was part of me that was just hollow, like something was physically missing. A persistent ache. I thought I knew what heartbreak felt like but now I realise what I thought I’d experienced before was nothing compared to this” 

Vanessa sniffs and Charity’s heart aches for her, she doesn’t like it when she’s upset never has. It had been the first sign to her that Vanessa was different. 

“I just can’t be lied to Charity, we’re building a family; me you the boys, Sarah. I meant it when I said anything could have happened to you and I wouldn’t have known” 

“I’m sorry” 

“I know you are and I know it goes against everything you’ve ever known to let me in, to trust me but its the one thing I need from you Charity otherwise we won’t work” 

“I know”

The bed shifts and Charity sighs as Vanessa leans her cheek against her shoulder blades, her hair tickling her skin. 

“And I need this to work so badly because I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone else who wasn’t Johnny” 

“You could have anybody” 

“Maybe but I only want you” 

It’s final she can hear it in Vanessa’s tone, that she genuinely believes those words to be true. Her instinct to fight back, argue that she’s wrong is still there but it’s easier to ignore. When her heart aches to just be loved by Vanessa she doesn’t want to fight against it anymore. 

Dropping her head back she closes her eyes and lets out a tired sigh. Vanessa moves and she goes limp, letting the fight leave her body, when her fiancée’s strong arms wrap around her shoulders holding her close. She’s suddenly exhausted. 

“Stop torturing yourself” 

She lets out a choked sound, she thinks it’s a half laugh half sob and Vanessa presses a kiss into her hair. Nobody has ever known her quite like Vanessa, not even Cain and he has seen her at some of the lowest points in her life. But Vanessa knows her, knows what goes on in her head even when she doesn’t know how to articulate it herself. 

“No worrying over what ifs, neither of us know what’s going to happen in the future” 

It’s scary how it seems Vanessa just knows her worries and insecurities even though she tries to keep them hidden from the world. 

“I love you” 

She turns moving Vanessa until she’s lying on her back against the pillows. She kisses her like it’s the only way to stay alive, trying to convey just exactly how much this brilliant woman means to her. 

“I know you do” 

Tears prick at the corners of Vanessa’s eyes making them sparkle and Charity is fairly certain she has never seen anything quite as beautiful as Vanessa is right at this moment. Their mouths crash back together and the exhaustion from only moments ago is rapidly being replaced by desire. She wants her, wants Vanessa, right now. 

“Mine” 

It’s possessive and demanding but Vanessa reacts exactly how she expected. Her eyes darken as her limbs tense and the gleam in her eyes turns primal. 

“Show me” 

The air is pulled from her lungs as Vanessa kisses her heatedly and she eagerly responds sliding her tongue to meet her fiancée’s. The demand she will comply with easily, if Vanessa wants her to show her then she isn’t about to hold back. As they kiss she grinds her hips smirking as Vanessa gasps into her mouth in response. 

“Can you feel me babe?” 

Vanessa’s eyes flicker but only for a moment before she smirks, that naughty little smirk that never fails to make her stomach clench.

“Fuck me Charity” 

The emphasis on fuck makes her pussy flutter and she swallows hard. Pressing a final bruising kiss to Vanessa’s lips Charity pulls back ignoring the whine of protest she receives in response. She moves reaching for the item just out of sight that she had grabbed earlier that they hadn’t got round to using. When she stands she smirks at the gasp she hears from behind. She doesn’t turn around just continues to adjust the straps until she’s comfortable and then she turns. 

Her blood roars in her ears as she eagerly drinks in the sight of Vanessa her eyes almost navy with lust, her lip caught between her teeth as her hand works furiously between her thighs. As quickly as she can Charity moves stalking up the bed on her hands and knees smirking at the absolute power she feels at seeing the effect she has on her love. 

“Oh God Charity” 

A hand tangles into her hair and she’s held so tight that there isn’t a breadth of air between their bodies as Vanessa plunders her mouth with her tongue. She’s needy, her body stretched taught and Charity is going to enjoy a very minute of fucking her into their mattress. 

Reaching down Charity moans herself when she feels just how hot and wet Vanessa is for her. Inwardly she smirks, they’re not going to need the bottle of lube that she had been about to reach for. Slowly she slides her fingers up and down careful to avoid touching her love’s clit. Vanessa keens, her hips arching forward, desperate for more contact and she chuckles. 

“Eager are we” 

She moves her hand away replacing her fingers with the silicon toy sliding it up and down coating it in Vanessa’s wetness. She gently thrusts forward so that the tip of the toy dips into Vanessa’s entrance before she pulls away. 

“Stop teasing” 

“Can you stay quiet?” 

She definitely does not want to wake the kids, Sarah and Noah will just shove their headphones on and grumble in the morning, but she can’t risk Moses or Johnny barrelling into the room while she’s 7 inches deep in Vanessa. 

“Please Charity” 

It’s whispered but Charity can hear the desperation clearly and she slowly presses forward. Vanessa whimpers and she grabs hold of her shoulders, her nails biting at the skin. Once she’s taken the full length Charity pauses to let Vanessa get used to the stretch. 

“You ok babe?” 

Vanessa wraps her legs around her waist digging her heels into Charity’s lower back causing her to press deeper with her hips and the action makes her eyes slam shut. The pressure against her clit from the base of toy is intense and she groans as a wave of arousal settles deep into her stomach. 

“Fuck me” 

So she does. 

Deep and slow is the rhythm she sets, her hips rocking in measured thrusts. Vanessa’s eyes have clenched tight, her mouth open as she pants. She’s stunning and Charity can do nothing but get lost in the beauty of her. 

“Let me turn over” 

Charity pulls back closing her eyes, composing herself for a moment as she gets her breath back. She loves it that Vanessa is as bossy in bed as she is usually. When they first started sleeping together she presumed her blonde lover would be more reserved. It had been a welcome shock the first time she realised that wasn’t going to be the case. When she opens her eyes Vanessa is on her knees, looking coyly over her shoulder and Charity can’t help the choked sound she emits as she drinks in the sight. In seconds she’s knelt behind Vanessa and she doesn’t hesitate, filling her with a single thrust before draping herself across her lover’s back holding her tight. 

“Yes ... oh you feel so good” 

“So do you babe” 

Vanessa turns her head their lips meeting instantly and for a moment they just kiss content in the feeling of their bodies pressed together. It doesn’t last long the fire burning in her cannot be contained and she begins to move grinding hard on each thrust. 

“Mine” 

She growls into Vanessa’s ear before she sucks hard on the lobe thrusting harder as Vanessa drops onto her elbows. 

“Yours, only yours”

She keeps up the punishing pace ignoring the ache in her back and the burn in her thighs but she knows it isn’t enough, knows Vanessa won’t reach her peak at this angle alone. It’s almost as though they reach that conclusion simultaneously as Vanessa turns her head. 

“Let me ride you?” 

“Like I’m going to say no to that” 

Vanessa has mastered the art and Charity can’t think of many things that are sexier than watching Vanessa Woodfield as she writhes in her lap. In seconds she’s up resting against the headboard, pillows behind her back so that she’s propped up comfortably and she smirks wickedly. 

“Come of then babe show me what you can do” 

The fire in Vanessa’s eyes almost makes her tremble and when she straddles her hips Charity grasps at thighs squeezing softly. 

“I want to watch you” 

She helps Vanessa as she guides the toy inside her, holding steady as she sinks down slowly until their hips are flush and Charity buries her face into Vanessa’s cleavage as her hips cant at the pressure on her clit. Vanessa’s arms wrap around her shoulders and she raises her head just in time to see her loves head roll backwards as she begins to ride her. 

“That feels so good” 

Her pussy is clenching, each time Vanessa moves she presses against her and it’s almost torturous how good it feels. It won’t take long for her to come at this rate but she wants Vanessa to come first. She begins to meet Vanessa’s thrusts with her own, ignoring the twinge in her back she she cups the gorgeous breasts in front of her sweeping her thumbs across hardened nipples. Vanessa groans and Charity looks towards the door. 

“Shhh babe” 

“You try ... being quiet ... when you’re ... being fucked ... this thoroughly” 

The indignant tone makes her chuckle, Vanessa still snarking even as she’s having the breath fucked out of her. She would love to drag this out for longer but she needs to bring Vanessa to her peak before they are disturbed. Wrapping one arm around Vanessa’s waist she holds her tight as she brings her other hand down her body rubbing tight circles against her straining clit. 

“Yes, oh yes, Charity, don’t stop, don’t stop” 

Like she could if she wanted to. Vanessa’s grinding down hard, her hips jerking wildly as she nears her peak and Charity can feel the tell tale coiling in her stomach begin. 

“You’re mine Ness” 

She flicks her finger over and over the muscles in her arm burning as she rocks Vanessa against her, trying to fill her as much as possible. 

“Yours .... oh god yours” 

“All mine” 

She makes sure to lock her gaze with the blue eyes that she loves so much. Vanessa struggles to hold it but she does and under her fingertips Charity can feel her muscles tightening, tightening...

“I love you” 

Vanessa head falls backwards as her hips cant forward harshly and she’s coming, coming gloriously with her mouth open and Charity moans as she feels the gush of wetness coat her thighs. Feeling her own orgasm rapidly approaching she slams her hips up and lets out a chocked gasp as she’s almost blindsided by the intensity in which it hits her. For a moment the breath is completely stolen from her lungs and she can’t focus on anything other than the intense pleasure she feels. Her hips are moving of their own accord and Vanessa continues to rock her own, drawing out every last tremor as they both continue to pant and shudder. 

When she finally opens her eyes she can’t keep herself upright and she leans heavily into Vanessa, tucking her head into her neck as she breathes deeply. She can feel soft kisses being placed into her hair and her whole body fills with love. It’s sappy and her younger self would scoff at it but now she needs it to survive. 

“I love you too” 

She accepts the soft kisses knowing Vanessa needs them just as much as she does until the twinging in her back can’t be ignored any longer. 

“Shall we continue this cuddle in a slightly more comfortable position babe” 

She winces when Vanessa moves and inwardly she groans, she’s going to be suffering standing behind the bar tomorrow. She shuffles under the covers, removing the harness as she does shoving it blindly under the bed in case they get any early morning visitors. She sinks into the softness of the mistress gratefully, scowling when Vanessa chuckles as she cuddles into her side. 

“What are you laughing at?” 

“Was it worth putting your back out for?” 

Vanessa presses a kiss to her pulse point and Charity squeezes her side softly. 

“You tell me babe” 

She turns onto her side keeping her arm draped around Vanessa’s waist meeting waiting lips with her own. 

“Not a bad way to spend an evening was it?” 

“Bloody morning more like”

Vanessa rolls her eyes but it’s playful and Charity can’t help but let out a wide yawn, she’s exhausted. 

“Go to sleep love” 

She snuggles in closer the warmth of Vanessa’s body addictive she’s bone tired but still she’s fighting against the urge to sleep. 

“I’ll be here in the morning and all the mornings after that if you’ll have me” 

Her heart swells at the raw honesty that Vanessa displays and she kisses her softly before resting their heads together. 

“Course I will babe, got used to drinking your dishwater brews now haven’t I. It’s been almost traumatic going back to being actually able to taste the tea” 

Vanessa snorts as she tries and fails to look offended and Charity finally relaxes as she lets her words settle in her mind. 

Vanessa’s here and she’s staying, her bag has been unpacked and Johnny’s back in his bedroom with Moses and right now that’s all that matters. Her little makeshift family, that she never could have imagined, is together again, back as it was and she can breathe easily again. 

Vanessa’s here and she’s _home_. 


End file.
